the world at my fingertips

in 40 days i will begin a new chapter of my life. in 40 days i move into my dorm room. to be honest with you, i never thought the day would come - and here it is, just 40 short days away. in 46 days i begin classes. i begin the juggling act called college.

to say i am excited would be an understatement. and to say i am nervous would be one as well. i have mixed emotions right now. stress, anticipation, worry, expectancy, anxiety, wonder, fear...each day i seem to uncover a new emotion, or a new feeling towards this next chapter. tonight it was a bit of shock as i realized that this was all REAL. i REALLY am going to college. i REALLY am moving out of the house. i got my fall semester schedule and this new reality hit me like a ton of bricks. it's been hard to process it all.

a few months ago i was unsure of what i wanted to study. i bounced around education, and that seemed like exactly what God wanted me to do. i would be an elementary special ed teacher. end of discussion. or so i thought. as i continued on with life, the Lord kept nudging me, whispering to me and letting me know that special ed was not quite what He had in mind.

i began to think about what exactly it was that God wanted me to do with my life and as i thought, pondered and prayed i felt a pull towards youth ministries. so, as of this moment, i will be studying youth ministries in hopes of working with young life in the future. working with young life excites me. all the opportunities that i may have - working at a YL camp, or traveling with YL international, being able to be a part of Capernaum - the YL club for special needs kids, being a leader for an area YL club, building relationships with students and being able to talk to them - hear their story, share mine. i think i am so excited because i really believe this is what God has prepared and designed me to do. wow.

i would love to do something with YL international someday. i have always wanted to "go global". go to the farthest countries and bring Christ to them. in my last post i talked about being responsible - i feel responsible to bring Jesus to those farthest countries. i love the line from the new britt nicole song - it says:

"there's a really big world at your fingertips, and you know you have the chance to change it"

i do have the chance to change the world. you have the chance to change world. i have the chance right here where i am to make a change. and maybe in a few years i will be able to travel and help change the world somewhere else. i don't know right now. but i do know that as i wrap up this post i am feeling excited and expectant. excited about what this next chapter will be about. and expectant that God will continue to mold me and use me in whatever way He wants.

it's about time i turn the page. close this chapter and start a new one.

here we go...

I am Responsible.

not too long ago, my friend brooke had me listen to a song called "albertine" by brooke fraser. when i first heard the song i thought it was neat, but didn't let the words fully sink in. the other night, i stumbled across the song again and took the time to actually listen to the words being sung. check it out:

"Albertine" By: Brooke Fraser

I am sitting still
I think of Angelique
her mothers voice over me
And the bullets in the wall where it fell silent
And on a thousandth hill, I think of Albertine
there in her eyes what I don't see with my own
Rwanda

Now that I have seen, I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I am on a plane across a distant sea
But I carry you in me
and the dust on, the dust on, the dust on my feet
Rwanda

Now that I have seen, I am responsible

Faith without deeds is dead

Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I will tell the world, I will tell them where I've been
I will keep my word
I will tell them Albertine

Now that I have seen, I am responsible

Faith without deeds is dead

Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I am on a stage, a thousand eyes on me
I will tell them, Albertine
I will tell them, Albertine

I absolutely love this song and since purchasing it on itunes it has quickly risen to the top of my "25 most played" songs. the words that really get to me are those words that are bolded. "now that i have seen, i am responsible. faith without deeds is dead." wow. now, in this particular song, the artist is talking about things in Rwanda - the violence there and a girl named albertine. so at first, i let the words roll off my tongue as i sang along. but the Lord continued to press those lines on my heart and I began to realize that this song applied to my life.

what have i seen? what have i seen, that i now am responsible for? not just big things like, hunger, violence or worldwide problems - though those are important. but what about things right here at home. have i seen lonely people? what about the homeless? how about people without jobs? those that get teased? have i seen all of those things? yes. am i now responsible? yes. should i take action to help make a difference? yes. have i? no.

i may be talking the talk, but am i TRULY walking the walk? hmmm.

"faith without deeds is dead" brooke fraser wasn't the original writer of those words. the Bible states:

"What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, 'You have faith; i have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.'" James 2:14-18

wow.

when people watch me, are they able to see a reflection of the Father in me? do they know by my love or my actions that I am set apart? that i am living for something so much greater than myself? am i taking responsibility for what i see every day?

i may talk the talk, but i think it is time that i truly start walking the walk, and living out my faith. does that mean i need to hop on the next plane to Rwanda and save the country? no, not necessarily. but does that mean that maybe i order an extra burger off the dollar menu to give to the homeless man on the street? sure. or i make a point of talking to a "loner" at school. yes.

i don't want a faith that is dead. i want my faith to be alive and pouring out of me. it's about time i make that happen.

"Now that I have seen, I am responsible

Faith without deeds is DEAD."

Here's to the Future!

last time i wrote i informed you of my summer to-do list. believe it or not, i am doing quite well with it. i have eaten lots of ice cream, been to some playgrounds, faced some fears and am learning what it truly means to be free. while i still have a ways to go on completing that lovely list of mine, i am making progress. :)

i returned home wednesday from a trip to NY with my friend. i went back to visit old friends and my good friend brooke tagged along. it was an interesting trip. i think this trip definitely brought the closure i had been so deeply needing. events of the trip made me realize that it is totally ok to be beyond west point. it is ok to be happy where i am now. it is ok to have new friends and a new church and it is ok to ENJOY all these new things. i don't need to feel guilty for moving on. how incredibly thankful i am to get to this point. my time living in new york was wonderful - don't get me wrong. i loved living there, i love the people i met and got to know there, i love my church there, i love the scenery there...it was a great place to grow up.

i am excited to start living life beyond the past. i think this is part of being free. letting the past be the past, enjoying the memories, but not dwelling on what could've been. i am looking forward to the future and all that it will bring!

blessings!