Oh my gravy!!!
words cannot even describe how happy i am that it is the weekend. this week has been so so so long and tiring...i am so happy that the weekend is FINALLY here!! *sigh*
so, this week i was working on not freaking out or stressing out and i really wanted to work on consinstancy in my Bible readings. i made it! i was able to have a quiet time every morning this week and i didn't get stressed out (ok, maybe i got a little stressed out, but not as much as last week! *grin*). i am so thankful that this week went so well. it wasn't easy, but, i made it and i am very thankful! very very thankful.
and, i ordered my rain boots and am so excited! :) my best friend from NY is coming out to visit in about 2 weeks to take my senior pictures and i think my boots will be here in time for that! i sure hope so! haha...i can not even tell you how excited i am to go puddle jumping in these boots. it's the simple things in life, right?
you know what else is exciting? today, it felt like FALL!! the air was SO crisp and cold...mmm, i was loving it. I just sat out on the deck tonite (with many layers on...brrr!), listened to my ipod and just enjoyed watching the sunset behind the trees. it was just awesome. i was shivering and shaking and loving every minute of it! i LOVE this time of year! can't wait utnil the leaves change colors!!
anyways...a bit scattered tonite, but, oh well. i guess scattered blogs are to be expected by now. my brain moves too fast to try and organize thoughts. :)
more later-
03 October 2008
29 September 2008
a lovely, rainy day...
today has been a very good day! which makes me quite happy!
it has been rainy and cloudy and chilly...finally starting to feel a bit like fall! the air is getting crisper each day! :)
so, quick story.
my HS has 2 campuses, one for freshman, and then a main campus (grades 10-12). My last hour class happens to be at the freshman campus which requires me to ride a loud, noisy, crowded bus about 3/4 thru my day. now, anyone who knows me, knows that i LOVE riding the bus. I think all my years of being a "walker" to school has given me this great love for school buses, who really knows. anyways...
altho i do enjoy riding the bus, riding it in the middle of the day, to a different campus...well, that i could do without. it just isn't that fun. but today, i didn't have to ride it. my lovely friend gave me a ride!! you see, i still don't have my lisence, so i can't drive myself. :( o well. anyways, i was very thankful for not only the ride, but the extra few minutes i could spend talking with such a fun girl! *smile*
another thing that made this day particularly nice was the rain. i do love rainy days! :) i love the sound and smell of the raindrops gently hitting the roof of my house...and i love that after lots of rain, everything looks so fresh and new and green!
speaking of rain...i am FINALLY getting a pair of puddle splashers! *grin* I have wanted some rain boots for quite some time and have finally found a pair at...TARGET! :) They are very cute! Check them out...
So, there they are! I can't wait to put them on and take a walk in the rain and jump in a few puddles! :)Oh, by the way...i JUST figured out how to post pictures...I know i have had the blog for a few YEARS but I finally learned how to put a picture on! YAY! :)
This has been quite an exciting day! *laugh*
well, homework is calling my name very loudly. i should get going. hope your day has been just as fantastic as mine has been! blessings...
27 September 2008
hello! hello! hello!
Well, the school year is well underway and I am...not quite sure how I am liking it...
I am enjoying my classes, loving the fact that I'm a senior, but am SO BUSY I don't really know what to do! YIKES!
At the beginning of this year, I promised myself that I wouldn't say yes to too many things. I promised myself that I would take it easy and enjoy my last year of HS. I promised myself that if I did get too busy, I would cut out some things and better prioritize my time.
Let's just say, I'm not doing a very good job. Between school work, babysitting, AWANA leading, Children's Church on Sunday afternoons, Youth Group on Sunday nights, and sleeping...things have gotten pretty hectic.
I don't like it.
While I have always preferred busyness to boredom, the busyness I am experiencing right now, just isn't fun. I can't seem to find the balance. My life right now feels scattered and cluttered and disorganized. My brain is constantly trying to keep track of everything and it just can't. I just can't seem to find my "groove," if you will.
I guess I sort of expected to ease into this year, slowly start things, and therefore, finding my groove and the balance wouldn't be too difficult. instead, everything started at once. I felt like life was flying at me at 100 miles an hour and I had to try and catch up...I still feel that way. I feel behind, even though I've barely started.
And the hard part is, I don't know what I can give up to try and make this year a little less crazy.
And the hard part is, I don't WANT to give anything up in order to make this year a little less crazy.
when I keep myself busy, it makes me feel really good about myself. Sort of like, "look how much I can handle and still keep a smile on my face!" Only, the smile hasn't really been there. And instead of feeling really good, I feel really crummy. The fact that I can't balance everything makes me feel...bad. Sort of like one big failure...I get caught up thinking that i should be able to balance all of these things. and the truth is-I can't. I can't keep track of it all. I can't balance it all. And you know what, I think I need to stop trying.
Maybe I shouldn't be trying so hard to fit a 5 course meal onto a lunch plate, instead of one that's dinner size. (sorry, I'm a bit hungry right now!) And maybe I shoudn't be the one that's doing the balancing.
I think I found the issue. I have been trying to make it all work. I have been trying to balance everything. And I shouldn't be. I should just let God to the balancing, and the organizing...maybe let HIM take over. Because, in all honesty, one of the first things to go when I get stressed out, is my quiet time.
I had been trying to wake up in the morning, read a few verses, and really meditate on them, not only in the morning, but throughout the day. Well, when I realized how tired I had become, I decided that sleep was more important then spending time with the Lord. But, I think that that time with Him was keeping me sane. And giving it up, only made me, actually IS MAKING ME more stressed out.
I think it's time that I start going to bed 15 or 20 minutes earlier, so that I can wake up earlier and spend the first minutes of my day with the one who graciously GAVE me the day. I think that starting my day off right will in turn make the entire day go a bit more smoothly. In fact, I know it will. And maybe I should just stop worrying about everything. I worry so much about getting things done, finding time for things etc. But, worrying is a big, fat WASTE OF TIME!
I think that my goal for this week, and the rest of this school year, will be to eliminate worrying, and start my day off right. I'll let you know how it goes...
:)
I am enjoying my classes, loving the fact that I'm a senior, but am SO BUSY I don't really know what to do! YIKES!
At the beginning of this year, I promised myself that I wouldn't say yes to too many things. I promised myself that I would take it easy and enjoy my last year of HS. I promised myself that if I did get too busy, I would cut out some things and better prioritize my time.
Let's just say, I'm not doing a very good job. Between school work, babysitting, AWANA leading, Children's Church on Sunday afternoons, Youth Group on Sunday nights, and sleeping...things have gotten pretty hectic.
I don't like it.
While I have always preferred busyness to boredom, the busyness I am experiencing right now, just isn't fun. I can't seem to find the balance. My life right now feels scattered and cluttered and disorganized. My brain is constantly trying to keep track of everything and it just can't. I just can't seem to find my "groove," if you will.
I guess I sort of expected to ease into this year, slowly start things, and therefore, finding my groove and the balance wouldn't be too difficult. instead, everything started at once. I felt like life was flying at me at 100 miles an hour and I had to try and catch up...I still feel that way. I feel behind, even though I've barely started.
And the hard part is, I don't know what I can give up to try and make this year a little less crazy.
And the hard part is, I don't WANT to give anything up in order to make this year a little less crazy.
when I keep myself busy, it makes me feel really good about myself. Sort of like, "look how much I can handle and still keep a smile on my face!" Only, the smile hasn't really been there. And instead of feeling really good, I feel really crummy. The fact that I can't balance everything makes me feel...bad. Sort of like one big failure...I get caught up thinking that i should be able to balance all of these things. and the truth is-I can't. I can't keep track of it all. I can't balance it all. And you know what, I think I need to stop trying.
Maybe I shouldn't be trying so hard to fit a 5 course meal onto a lunch plate, instead of one that's dinner size. (sorry, I'm a bit hungry right now!) And maybe I shoudn't be the one that's doing the balancing.
I think I found the issue. I have been trying to make it all work. I have been trying to balance everything. And I shouldn't be. I should just let God to the balancing, and the organizing...maybe let HIM take over. Because, in all honesty, one of the first things to go when I get stressed out, is my quiet time.
I had been trying to wake up in the morning, read a few verses, and really meditate on them, not only in the morning, but throughout the day. Well, when I realized how tired I had become, I decided that sleep was more important then spending time with the Lord. But, I think that that time with Him was keeping me sane. And giving it up, only made me, actually IS MAKING ME more stressed out.
I think it's time that I start going to bed 15 or 20 minutes earlier, so that I can wake up earlier and spend the first minutes of my day with the one who graciously GAVE me the day. I think that starting my day off right will in turn make the entire day go a bit more smoothly. In fact, I know it will. And maybe I should just stop worrying about everything. I worry so much about getting things done, finding time for things etc. But, worrying is a big, fat WASTE OF TIME!
I think that my goal for this week, and the rest of this school year, will be to eliminate worrying, and start my day off right. I'll let you know how it goes...
:)
06 August 2008
just in a writing kind of mood...
ok, so, i know i just wrote like 2 days ago, but, i just really feel like writing. so, this blog may be really boring. sorry guys!
well, today i went and saw a fabulous movie!! sisterhood of the traveling pants 2. it was fantastic! i love those movies...it makes me thankful for the friends i have!!!
i went with my sister and our 2 cousins, which was a blast!! we all wore jeans! :) you can't go to the sisterhood movie and not wear jeans!! it just wouldn't be right. so, we went off to the movies in our jeans and discussing which sister we were most like.
it was a blast!! and then i just spent the rest of the day doing nothing.
as i sit here, i am thinking about doing nothing and how i usually spend my time. its usually on facebook. because, out here, its lonely. but, there are pepole on facebook...and i love people! but, is that really the best use of my time? yes and no. sure, i am getting to know people, and having some really great conversations. but, it is also keeping me from getting other things done. like my school work, quiet times, and other odds and ends things.
so, i decided to facebook fast again. i did it once before and it was great. it is time to do it again i think. for one week. so, i am going to do it, and when the fast is done, i will do my best to get on and write about it!! :)
anyways...that's about all i have for now. told you this would be boring.
have a lovely day, friends!!
mucho amor-
well, today i went and saw a fabulous movie!! sisterhood of the traveling pants 2. it was fantastic! i love those movies...it makes me thankful for the friends i have!!!
i went with my sister and our 2 cousins, which was a blast!! we all wore jeans! :) you can't go to the sisterhood movie and not wear jeans!! it just wouldn't be right. so, we went off to the movies in our jeans and discussing which sister we were most like.
it was a blast!! and then i just spent the rest of the day doing nothing.
as i sit here, i am thinking about doing nothing and how i usually spend my time. its usually on facebook. because, out here, its lonely. but, there are pepole on facebook...and i love people! but, is that really the best use of my time? yes and no. sure, i am getting to know people, and having some really great conversations. but, it is also keeping me from getting other things done. like my school work, quiet times, and other odds and ends things.
so, i decided to facebook fast again. i did it once before and it was great. it is time to do it again i think. for one week. so, i am going to do it, and when the fast is done, i will do my best to get on and write about it!! :)
anyways...that's about all i have for now. told you this would be boring.
have a lovely day, friends!!
mucho amor-
04 August 2008
being free, losing chains and love that is alive...
even after writing the title of this post i am sensing something very scattered coming...but hey, what else is new. haha
this past week was an interesting one. learned a lot, struggled a lot, pleaded a lot...and lost some things...
let me start at the beginning of the week...don't worry, i won't give you a play by play of my week, i know that no one really cares what time i woke up, what i had for lunch, or what t-shirt i wore on wednesday. so, you can breath a sigh of relief.
this week began with some questions and worries. i was worried about all sorts of things and things that just aren't worh worrying about. i was wasting time. wasting time worrying. i was worrying about whether or not i would get into calvin, worrying that i would never make friends out here, worrying that i just wasn't enough...see, lately i have just felt out of place in my own family. not just with my sisters or parents, but also with my extended family, cousins, aunts, uncles. i feel like i just don't really fit...like i am not good enough or just simply not enough. if that even makes sense...
and then that trickled into how i feel about making friends...i think to myself, if i can't even fit in with my own family, what makes me think i will find friends i "fit" with. it was just a bit of a downward spiral....
i realized that i mainly wanted friends because friends affirm me. it is my friends that help encourage me and boost my confidance. due to a lack of affirmation growing up, i have become someone who craves that affirmation, i feel like i need that boost every now and again. i was bound by the need for affirmation. it got to the point where i didn't even want friends for the relationships they brought, but i wanted friends for that confidance booster i knew they would bring me.
i couldn't even function without trying to get some affirmation from someone, anyone. and that was wrong. i was bound by certain things in my past. or a lack of certain things...
i couldn't truly live because i was held down by chains. i was stuck in a rut. and i wanted it to end.
but, i think i was having a stupid week because i just didn't know how to lose these chains...hmmm....definitley was having a brain fart. :)
was listening to some music (you know what's coming...) and i heard a couple songs that really helped me (imagine that? me being encouraged by a song? haha). so, as always, i will share these songs with you in hopes that they help/encourage you as much as they have me! :)
No More Chains
*Nichole Nordeman
How did I get locked up inside?
What's this that renders me paralyzed?
I lost myself in small pieces
It happened over time
I traded love for a heavy chain
Another link every other day
I pulled it up and down a mountain
It made me want to say?
No more chains
No more chains
Big and small, watch them fall away
No more chains
Big and small, watch them fall away
I wonder now if the choice was mine
The door was open, I walked inside
Nobody had my arm twisted
Nobody made me stay
The face of freedom can show up small
A tiny crack in a prison wall
A song that rises up from silence
A voice that wants to say?
I should let you give me wings
I should let you set me free
so, i was listening to the words of that song, just asking God to free me...and then i heard another song, that made me realize, i am free...
Finally Free
*Nichole Nordeman
No chain is strong enough
No choice is wrong enough
No mountain high enough that He can't climb
No shadow dark enough
No night is black enough
No road is lost enough that He can't find
And if the Son has set us free
Then we must be, free indeed
Let the chains fall away, starting today
Everything has changed
I'm finally free
No pain is deep enough
No heart could bleed enough
Nothing but Jesus' love can make a way
And if the Son has set us free
Then we must be, free indeed
Let the chains fall away, starting today
Everything has changed
I'm finally free
Let freedom ring
What an amazing song. i am free. nothing can keep me from that freedom. once i have been set free, i am free, free indeed. then i just got to thinking about how truly awesome that is...to be set free...its incredible. and its thanks to the love God has for us....which brings me to my final song. don't worry, its not a whole song, just one line that i think is so neat. its from a third day song called, "call my name." it is written as tho it is God speaking to us and this one line says:
"the love i have for you is so alive"
i LOVE that...the love that God has for me is so alive. which, just makes me feel free already.
so friends, i hope that you can be free..."let the chains, fall away, starting today"
love you all, be free
this past week was an interesting one. learned a lot, struggled a lot, pleaded a lot...and lost some things...
let me start at the beginning of the week...don't worry, i won't give you a play by play of my week, i know that no one really cares what time i woke up, what i had for lunch, or what t-shirt i wore on wednesday. so, you can breath a sigh of relief.
this week began with some questions and worries. i was worried about all sorts of things and things that just aren't worh worrying about. i was wasting time. wasting time worrying. i was worrying about whether or not i would get into calvin, worrying that i would never make friends out here, worrying that i just wasn't enough...see, lately i have just felt out of place in my own family. not just with my sisters or parents, but also with my extended family, cousins, aunts, uncles. i feel like i just don't really fit...like i am not good enough or just simply not enough. if that even makes sense...
and then that trickled into how i feel about making friends...i think to myself, if i can't even fit in with my own family, what makes me think i will find friends i "fit" with. it was just a bit of a downward spiral....
i realized that i mainly wanted friends because friends affirm me. it is my friends that help encourage me and boost my confidance. due to a lack of affirmation growing up, i have become someone who craves that affirmation, i feel like i need that boost every now and again. i was bound by the need for affirmation. it got to the point where i didn't even want friends for the relationships they brought, but i wanted friends for that confidance booster i knew they would bring me.
i couldn't even function without trying to get some affirmation from someone, anyone. and that was wrong. i was bound by certain things in my past. or a lack of certain things...
i couldn't truly live because i was held down by chains. i was stuck in a rut. and i wanted it to end.
but, i think i was having a stupid week because i just didn't know how to lose these chains...hmmm....definitley was having a brain fart. :)
was listening to some music (you know what's coming...) and i heard a couple songs that really helped me (imagine that? me being encouraged by a song? haha). so, as always, i will share these songs with you in hopes that they help/encourage you as much as they have me! :)
No More Chains
*Nichole Nordeman
How did I get locked up inside?
What's this that renders me paralyzed?
I lost myself in small pieces
It happened over time
I traded love for a heavy chain
Another link every other day
I pulled it up and down a mountain
It made me want to say?
No more chains
No more chains
Big and small, watch them fall away
No more chains
Big and small, watch them fall away
I wonder now if the choice was mine
The door was open, I walked inside
Nobody had my arm twisted
Nobody made me stay
The face of freedom can show up small
A tiny crack in a prison wall
A song that rises up from silence
A voice that wants to say?
I should let you give me wings
I should let you set me free
so, i was listening to the words of that song, just asking God to free me...and then i heard another song, that made me realize, i am free...
Finally Free
*Nichole Nordeman
No chain is strong enough
No choice is wrong enough
No mountain high enough that He can't climb
No shadow dark enough
No night is black enough
No road is lost enough that He can't find
And if the Son has set us free
Then we must be, free indeed
Let the chains fall away, starting today
Everything has changed
I'm finally free
No pain is deep enough
No heart could bleed enough
Nothing but Jesus' love can make a way
And if the Son has set us free
Then we must be, free indeed
Let the chains fall away, starting today
Everything has changed
I'm finally free
Let freedom ring
What an amazing song. i am free. nothing can keep me from that freedom. once i have been set free, i am free, free indeed. then i just got to thinking about how truly awesome that is...to be set free...its incredible. and its thanks to the love God has for us....which brings me to my final song. don't worry, its not a whole song, just one line that i think is so neat. its from a third day song called, "call my name." it is written as tho it is God speaking to us and this one line says:
"the love i have for you is so alive"
i LOVE that...the love that God has for me is so alive. which, just makes me feel free already.
so friends, i hope that you can be free..."let the chains, fall away, starting today"
love you all, be free
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