June 1

well...it's my birthday. 

i'm now 18. 18 is one of those "big" birthdays...i make the transition from kid to "adult" - whatever that means. let's see, what does it mean? i can vote, by cigarettes, and join the military. I guess that makes me an adult...maybe?! i'm still not sure.

As of right now, I don't feel any different. No more adult-like than i did yesterday. i suppose this feeling of being a grown up may come with time. to be honest, i just don't know. 

there is a fabulous story by Sandra Cisneros called "Eleven" where a young girl talks about the events of her 11th birthday. This girl, Rachel, describes birthdays and age as being like nesting dolls, or layers of an onion - one on top of the other. Rachel states that when you are 11, you are also 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. Because even when you are 11, you still need to cry on your mom's lap, and that is the  3 year old part of you. 

I guess in my case, I am now 18, but still 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. i think this idea illustrated in Cisneros' story is very true. I have my 3 year old moments, when I just need a good cry. there are times i have the snooty attitude of a 13 year old. But i also now possess the characteristics of an 18 year old. 

At 18, I am preparing for college. I graduated from high school. I am learning to make my own decisions. I am learning how to be independent and take care of myself (not so much this morning - it was not me, but my mom that made me french toast for breakfast...but again, i am learning. *grin*). 

All of this changing and growing and learning i find overwhelming. It is hard to take in every bit of it. However, i am thankful to have a God that carries me through all of this. That is by my side and is CONSTANT. And that is something to be very grateful for. 

As I begin this new year of life, i also think of some "resolutions." i know, those are meant for New Year's, but, why not make a few now. ok, maybe not a few, maybe just one. I have been thinking so much lately about having an undivided heart and what that truly means. i think in many ways, it is having a life of worship. if i am in constant, pure worship of my Savior, my heart, by default, is focused on nothing else but Him. I want my life to be a reflection of His goodness to me over the past 18 years.

every day, whether the 18 year old in me is showing, or the 6 year old part of me is being seen, I want my life to bring glory and honor to the One that gave it to me. I think Sarah Reeves says it best in her song, "Sweet Sweet Sound"...

I am an instrument of the living God
My life a melody to His name
More than the songs I sing
Worship is everything
I live to glorify my King

Hear the song of my life
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
I raise this anthem high
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

Through all the mire and clay
You're washing me with grace
You carry me, oh Lord, through it all
So I will testify even in the fire
I live to praise my Savior

Hear the song of my life
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
I raise this anthem high
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

Let everything that has breath
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord
And all creation will sing Hallelujah

Hear the song of my life
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
I raise this anthem high

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound

My prayer, as I start this new year of life, is that every single day, my life will be a sweet, sweet sound to my Savior.

memorial day...thank you

so, i know memorial day was yesterday, but, better late than never, right?

i love memorial day. i love the chance to say thank you to everyone who has served, is serving, or is preparing to serve in the armed forces. they give so much every single day.

having a military upbringing, this day has an extra level of emotion in my family. being able to personally thank a friend or family member for their time, and remember friends who never came home...

i'm not one to cry easily, but even i teared up as the flag was carried down the center isle of church on sunday, remembering so many people that give up time with their families, a comfortable home and in some cases, their life so that i can worship freely, and live in a safe and free country.

now i know that many people have many opinions about the war right now - i think it is important to be aware of what is going on over there, and to even form one's own thoughts and opinions - but on a day like memorial day, to be honest, does it really matter why they're there? men and women are fighting each and every day and it is our responsibilty to pray for these soldiers and their families and thank them for their service.

so, thank you to all those who have served and are serving: andy, jennie, kyle, jon, andrea, dad, tim, uncle bill...the list goes on. THANK YOU!

you know it's spring when...

i know it's spring when:

-it is sunny.

-my eyes are puffy from allergies.

-everything is blooming and green.

-birds chirp.

-it is warm.

-birds build nests...in our grill.

a funny, funny surprise today when we opened our grill and discovered this. it is definitely spring! :)

Let the little children come...

Ahhh...it feels good to write. It has been a while. Things have been busy busy busy. Prepping to graduate, finish the school year...just not a lot of spare time to sit and write. But i was so inspired today, i just have to share!


It was a GORGEOUS spring day today so i decided to take a walk around the neighboorhood. I love to take walks, and on these nice days it is especially fun because families are out in the yards. I have always loved people watching, so seeing families all together is fun. I think about what their story is, where they have been, where they are going. i love watching the kids run around in the green grass, or blow bubbles, or draw with chalk. i sometimes wonder what these families think about me...a girl with her hair in a messy bun, a t-shirt, jeans and converses (imagine that!) and usually an ipod. i must look like a loner. but, that's beside the point.


Today, as i was walking, i came to the house of a family that i often see outside. They are (in my mind) a very happy family. Mom, dad, little boy, maybe 5 years old, and a little girl, no older than 2. Whenever I see them out, the whole family is out. THey are always together. Today was no exception.


As i began approaching the house i noticed the mom bouncing a basketball with the little girl, and dad was mowing the lawn. And the little boy - guess what he was doing? following the dad. He didn't even have a mini-mower with him. no, he just followed the dad. If the dad went to the left, the boy went to the left. if the dad went to the right, the boy went to the right. if dad walked fast, the boy walked fast.


Whatever dad did, the little boy did the exact same thing. it was extremely cute. It got me thinking...


#1. i hope that dad understands and is in love with the fact that his son just wants to be with him. that his son looks up to him and wants to do everything he does.


#2. it made me think of my relationship with Jesus. do i follow His leading the way this little boy followed his dad? This boy completely trusted his dad. He trusted that his dad would not lead him into any danger or hurt. Do i trust my Heavenly Father in the same way? and if not, why not?


i think in my brain i want to follow like this little boy did. let God do the leading, and i do the following. trust Him with everything, knowing He will never lead me astray or into dangerous territory. Or that when things are tough, He is still right there.


the Bible talks a lot about children and childlike faith. this passage about children, in Mark, is one of my favorites:


The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: "Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in." Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them.

Mark 10:13-16 (The Message)


The Bible says that Jesus was irate, other translations say indignant, angry, and pained that the disciples tried to keep these children from Jesus. I love when Jesus said, "Don't EVER get between them and me." He wants to BE with these children. If that is how we are called to act, and live out our faith, in the simplicity of a child, then I have got some work to do. I think God wants to BE with us in that same way. He doesn't want anyone or anything else to get between Him and us.


I don't know if any of this even makes sense...all i know is that seeing this child today follow fearlessly behind his father made me long to fearlessly follow my Father. Trusting that He will lead me where He wants me to be. Not swaying left or right, but staying on the path that God has laid before me. I want to embrace the Kingdom of God in the simplicity of a child-not getting caught up nitty gritty sometimes, or trying to hard to understand everything that i lose sight of what is truly important, or what truly matters.


i've often heard the saying, "everything i need to know, i learned in kindergarten." while there may be some truth to that, i don't remember much about kindergarten. but what i can tell you is that everything i need to know, i have learned FROM a kindergartener. i have learned so much by spending time with kids. i am thankful for every chance i have to be with them...


well, as i said, i'm not sure if any of this made sense, but my prayer is that i might be like that small child. that nothing would get between me and my Father, but that i would follow my Father fearlessly and be blessed by Him.

Just a Youth, but a Revolutionary

I have been a bit frustrated lately...with my age.


I am a volunteer at church and I help out with the kids ministries, which I absolutely love!! I lead a kindergarten small group and am an AWANA Cubbies leader. I love spending time with the kids, talking to them, getting to know them, hearing them talk about Jesus, helping them understand things in the Bible and sharing with them the love of Jesus Christ. What an honor that is. Truly.


but lately, things have been frustrating for me. There have been some conflicts and things that just need to be fixed. Now, I am not going to go into massive detail and explain everything that I wish could be changed. No, that's not important. Just understand that certain things - in the way these programs are run - are not working.


Now, I have ideas and methods that work. I have seen them work, I know they do!! However, when I try and present these ideas, i get frustrated. why you ask? because i am only 17. not many people listen to "just some High school volunteer"


MOst of my life, i have never wished i was older, except maybe when I was 5 and wished I was older so that I could cross the street alone. But, for the most part, I have enjoyed each age. there are many things to learn in each year of life and I like that. I love learning new things. However, right now is a moment where I wish i was 10 years older.


Not many people listen to 17-year-olds. And it is discouraging. I have been bogged down lately, feeling like I can't make a difference, or be a leader, or help, or make things happen, after all, i'm only 17.


And further more, i have gotten the idea in my head that i can't. that i dont need to, heck, i have the rest of my life ahead of me.


how stupid is that?


i had my itunes on shuffle a few minutes ago and the song, "revolutionaries" by bethany dillon came on. here is what that song says:


Many have traveled this road before
I see their tracks in the dirt
But maybe I don’t agree
With where they are leading
And who am I, just a youth
But why has that become the excuse
A monotone voice
In my head saying

Dreaming all the time
It’s so foolish
Your flood of empty words
Will drown you in ruin
So we listen
Should we listen

They shake their heads
As they drive away in the bandwagon
Didn’t feel like hitching a ride
Oh, but I’ll be fine
Some nights it’s hard to be alone
I want some kind of kinship
But the finish line
It drives me on
When they say

Dreaming all the time
It’s so foolish
Your flood of empty words
Will drown you in ruin
So we listen
Should we listen

Come with me
They’ll call us revolutionaries
Come with me
They’ll call us revolutionaries

Dreaming all the time
It’s not foolish
Your flood of life giving words
They will refresh
Should we listen
Revolutionaries


I found that so encouraging. Especially the first bolded line, "Who am i, just a youth, but why has that become the excuse?"


I can be a revolutionary, if I choose not to listen to the lies that the world feeds me. THe lie that i am only 17, or just a HS kid, or not smart enough, or any of those lies. I have the chance to make a difference...not only is this brought up in Bethany Dillon's song, but, in the Bible, which is even better...


1 Timothy 4:12 says:

Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. (New Living Translation)


The Bible tells me not to let people think less of me because of my age. But instead to be an example. I need to be an example to other believers and also to the kids that I work with. They need to see that no matter what, I am willing to be a voice, give ideas, stand for things that I know are right.


I will not let my age be an excuse. Instead, I will be an example in the way i live, in my love, in my faith and in my purity.


"Come with me, they'll call us, REVOLUTIONARIES..."