Okay, Okay, I get it!

I have been learning a lot this week!


i don't quite know where to start...


so, a couple of months ago, i had gotten on track with Bible reading and quiet times. It was great. I would wake up early in the morning, read, pray, spend time with the Lord and i was LOVING it! I would go to school feeling strong, and un-stressed, and so full of life, love and the Lord! And then, I don't know what happened, but, the quiet times stopped. I didn't wake up early anymore. I didn't read my Bible at all. I prayed when I remembered...I felt stressed, and so tired. But, I didn't really think anything of it. I was so sure that I was just too busy to sit still and truly study the Word of God. Lame, right?


Well, this week, God let me know that it was lame. :)


I have been re-reading the book, "Authentic Beauty" and have been learning so much. Authentic Beauty is one of my very favorite books and always gets me thinking...ANYWAYS...the part I was reading was about laziness...the book talks about how most of the time, we are not too busy to read the Bible, we are just to lazy to read the Bible. I started to feel like maybe that was my life. But, I thought to myself, "It's ok, you really are busy..." and I flipped the page and kept going. Well...


in case the book wasn't enough, God used a couple of songs to help me realize what I need to work on...I will share them with you:


"Hurricane" Jimmy Needham

"I need you like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind, and rain
To tear these walls down
I'M ONLY YOURS NOW
I need you like a burning flame
A wildfire untamed
To burn my walls down
I'M ONLY YOURS NOW"


***


I got to thinking that maybe I needed God to break down any walls or barriers that were keeping me from Him. I wanted to be only His, but, I didn't really feel that...He didn't either. The next song that came on my iPod was...


"Holy" Nichole Nordeman

"Only me, on my knees
Singing 'Holy, Holy'
And somehow all that matters now is,
You are Holy, Holy"


***


I began to realize, that truly, the only thing God wanted from me, was me. I need to be in constant worship of Him. HE IS WORTHY. And instead, I was spending my time in front of the TV, on Facebook, and not with Jesus. And that's not right.


It started to become painfully clear that there were things in my life that needed to change. I felt like yelling, "OK! I GET IT!!!" God made himself so clear to me this week. The only way it would've been more clear, was if he actually spoke from heaven. I decided that something had to change.


so, the past day or two I have been praying about what that is. well, once again, God answered. I realized that instead of spending hours on the computer/watching TV, i could be using that time getting to know my heavenly father. isn't that a much better use of time? My first thought was, no TV, no facebook. But, then I realized, that maybe it's not about completely cutting out distractions. Maybe that's not what my struggle truly is. Life will ALWAYS have distractions. And not all of them can just be cut out. I decided, I am going to work on self-discipline.


Instead of giving up TV and Facebook all together, I am working on limiting my time. I am attempting to find the balance. And if I can't find the balance, then I will cut things out, totally. But for right now, I am excited about this personal challenge. Will it be easy? NO! Am i doing it alone? NO!


I have come to understand that spending time with Jesus is so much better than spending time watching iCarly, or the Disney channel. :) What will I gain by sitting at the computer? What will I gain from spending time every morning with the Lord? A deeper udnerstanding of who God is and a stronger relationship with my creator.


I am very excited to embark on this journey. Now, I should probably stop writing, and start putting into action all that I have just written! :) Hope you all are doing well. much love-