i have often struggled with having set quiet times with the Lord. I don't struggle with wanting to do it, or even finding the time to do it. no, i struggle with where to even begin. the Bible is such a HUGE book, it is so rich, and dense and full of lessons and promises - where do i start? how can i possibly soak up all of it? It is indeed overwhelming to me, but something i so desperately want.
part of my struggle is i want to learn and grow so much, but there is just no way i can do it fast enough. i am desperate for the Lord. i am at a point in my life where the future is incredibly unknown. i know where i will attend college, but, i have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life, what i want to study, who i will live with. and i have so many people giving me their opinions and suggestions (which i do appreciate) but when it comes right down to it, the only opinion i care about is the Lord's. I want to do what HE wants me to do. He has created me for something. i just want to figure out what that something is! i am DESPERATE for His leading. and i believe diving into His word and being drenched in Him will help show me the way to go.
i have been praying that God would show me what it is He has for me. asking that He would continue to lead me. as i sat today thumbing through my Bible, i stopped at the book of Psalms. I stopped and read Psalm 139. i was reminded of the fact that i am "fearfully and wonderfully made." the peace i felt after reading that was overwhelming. God has designed me, "knit me together in my mother's womb" He knows me, inside and out. How amazing is that? Even though right now I may not know where my life is going, GOD DOES. It is one thing to know it in my head, but to see it on paper in front of my face, and let it just soak into every fiber of being was something completely different. it brought peace, and hope.
i continued reading Psalm 139 and came to the following verses:
"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting."
In working on turning my life into a life of worship, i must rid myself of thoughts and actions that are unpleasing to God. I must let the Lord search me, know me and transform me in the way that only He can. I sat again in my room, praying these verses to the Lord. As I prayed, my mind was all over the place. I found myself distracted by the ring of my phone, the mess in my room and the noises of my family members throughout the house. But my mind also wandered to the verse i had read just the other night. Here it is in the Message:
"Train me, God, to walk straight;
then I'll follow Your true path.
Put me together, one heart and mind;
then, UNDIVIDED, I"ll worship in joyful fear."
That is the key. Being undivided. Perhaps studying the Word of God in my messy room, with the my phone on, and right next to me, isn't the best way to do thing. Maybe i am not helping my cause. I have been frustrated, feeling like God has been silent. Perhaps He has been, but perhaps I am just not listening. Perhaps I just can't hear because of all the noise that is surrounding me. I find that whey my heart and mind are, together, and truly focused, and distraction free, i learn so much more. i hear so much more, i find peace and joy. For God to guide me and begin to unveil His will for my life, i must be willing to let go of other, lesser things.
My prayer now is that my life will be a sweet, sweet sound, and that my heart will be undivided; that my full and complete attention would be on the Lord.
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