a new adventure

well...here i be. sitting in my new room in my new home. still so strange to me.

i remember last year, helping my sister and her roommate move into their dorm. this year - it was me, with my roommate, and my stuff. i can't believe i have made it to this point. i felt like i was continually saying, "in the fall" or "in a few weeks" or even, "in a few days". and now i am actually here.

the past couple of days have been full of group games, team bonding activities, dorm and floor meetings, finding my way around campus and getting to know the people i now live with.

it has been great fun, but i think i am ready for a schedule. a routine. some consistency. this feeling of limbo is all to familiar. feeling very in between lives. a part of me is still back home, with my family and those friends. and yet, it just a few short days i have put myself into new relationships, a new environment and i like that too.

there is no doubt in my mind that i am at the school God wants me to be at. He has made it more than clear that i am in the right place. but i still feel like part of me is home. don't misunderstand - my roommate and suite mates are great and i do feel at home in my dorm and on this campus, i just feel...divided.

this feeling of division, to be honest, is frightening. how long will i feel divided? how will it impact me and the people i come in contact with? will it keep me from putting my whole self into this new adventure?

with these thoughts and fears swirling in my mind, i have felt very anxious. but tonight, things changed a bit. i had an awesome experience, and once again, God showed His faithfulness to me in some small, yet incredible ways.

tonight was the last night of orientation and to close these past 3 days, all the new students had "reflections at the sem pond." we gathered at the pond, with our orientation groups and reflected on the work God has already done the past few days, and prayed with expectancy about what is yet to come. as we spent our quiet time with the Lord, we were instructed to write on a sticky note something we wanted to let go of before the school year started. after pondering, i wrote down three things: my bad habit of comparing myself to others, my worries, and my bad attitude. i realized that these three things alone could destroy my time here and keep me from walking in the center of God's will for my life, and they needed to go. after writing these things on our sticky notes, we placed the note and a candle in a small cup, lit the candles and sent them off in the water. it was a powerful moment for me.

God was so present in that moment of release. having the physical representation of surrender was chilling. i had goosebumps running up my arms. after releasing these things, all of us new students sang "great is thy faithfulness." the words to this timeless hymn struck a chord with me tonight. i began to squirm as i realized that through this phase of limbo, and in between lives, God remains faithful. through all of life's inconsistencies, and my own inconsistencies, He remains constant. a sense of peace washed over me as i watched a thousand candles float across the water, realizing that each one of us had something we needed and wanted to let go. i felt peace and freedom tonight. i felt as though i had been able to identify with people on this campus, realizing that each of us had something to let go of, to release and surrender.

this night was an awesome way of starting this new adventure. i am excited to see what the year holds and pray that i may not forget that through the ups and downs of this adventure i serve a God who is indeed faithful.