just in a writing kind of mood...

ok, so, i know i just wrote like 2 days ago, but, i just really feel like writing. so, this blog may be really boring. sorry guys!


well, today i went and saw a fabulous movie!! sisterhood of the traveling pants 2. it was fantastic! i love those movies...it makes me thankful for the friends i have!!!


i went with my sister and our 2 cousins, which was a blast!! we all wore jeans! :) you can't go to the sisterhood movie and not wear jeans!! it just wouldn't be right. so, we went off to the movies in our jeans and discussing which sister we were most like.


it was a blast!! and then i just spent the rest of the day doing nothing.


as i sit here, i am thinking about doing nothing and how i usually spend my time. its usually on facebook. because, out here, its lonely. but, there are pepole on facebook...and i love people! but, is that really the best use of my time? yes and no. sure, i am getting to know people, and having some really great conversations. but, it is also keeping me from getting other things done. like my school work, quiet times, and other odds and ends things.


so, i decided to facebook fast again. i did it once before and it was great. it is time to do it again i think. for one week. so, i am going to do it, and when the fast is done, i will do my best to get on and write about it!! :)


anyways...that's about all i have for now. told you this would be boring.


have a lovely day, friends!!


mucho amor-

being free, losing chains and love that is alive...

even after writing the title of this post i am sensing something very scattered coming...but hey, what else is new. haha


this past week was an interesting one. learned a lot, struggled a lot, pleaded a lot...and lost some things...


let me start at the beginning of the week...don't worry, i won't give you a play by play of my week, i know that no one really cares what time i woke up, what i had for lunch, or what t-shirt i wore on wednesday. so, you can breath a sigh of relief.


this week began with some questions and worries. i was worried about all sorts of things and things that just aren't worh worrying about. i was wasting time. wasting time worrying. i was worrying about whether or not i would get into calvin, worrying that i would never make friends out here, worrying that i just wasn't enough...see, lately i have just felt out of place in my own family. not just with my sisters or parents, but also with my extended family, cousins, aunts, uncles. i feel like i just don't really fit...like i am not good enough or just simply not enough. if that even makes sense...


and then that trickled into how i feel about making friends...i think to myself, if i can't even fit in with my own family, what makes me think i will find friends i "fit" with. it was just a bit of a downward spiral....


i realized that i mainly wanted friends because friends affirm me. it is my friends that help encourage me and boost my confidance. due to a lack of affirmation growing up, i have become someone who craves that affirmation, i feel like i need that boost every now and again. i was bound by the need for affirmation. it got to the point where i didn't even want friends for the relationships they brought, but i wanted friends for that confidance booster i knew they would bring me.


i couldn't even function without trying to get some affirmation from someone, anyone. and that was wrong. i was bound by certain things in my past. or a lack of certain things...


i couldn't truly live because i was held down by chains. i was stuck in a rut. and i wanted it to end.


but, i think i was having a stupid week because i just didn't know how to lose these chains...hmmm....definitley was having a brain fart. :)


was listening to some music (you know what's coming...) and i heard a couple songs that really helped me (imagine that? me being encouraged by a song? haha). so, as always, i will share these songs with you in hopes that they help/encourage you as much as they have me! :)

No More Chains
*Nichole Nordeman

How did I get locked up inside?
What's this that renders me paralyzed?
I lost myself in small pieces
It happened over time

I traded love for a heavy chain
Another link every other day
I pulled it up and down a mountain
It made me want to say?

No more chains
No more chains
Big and small, watch them fall away
No more chains
Big and small, watch them fall away

I wonder now if the choice was mine
The door was open, I walked inside
Nobody had my arm twisted
Nobody made me stay

The face of freedom can show up small
A tiny crack in a prison wall
A song that rises up from silence
A voice that wants to say?

I should let you give me wings
I should let you set me free

so, i was listening to the words of that song, just asking God to free me...and then i heard another song, that made me realize, i am free...


Finally Free
*Nichole Nordeman

No chain is strong enough
No choice is wrong enough
No mountain high enough that He can't climb

No shadow dark enough
No night is black enough
No road is lost enough that He can't find

And if the Son has set us free
Then we must be, free indeed
Let the chains fall away, starting today
Everything has changed
I'm finally free

No pain is deep enough
No heart could bleed enough
Nothing but Jesus' love can make a way

And if the Son has set us free
Then we must be, free indeed
Let the chains fall away, starting today
Everything has changed
I'm finally free

Let freedom ring


What an amazing song. i am free. nothing can keep me from that freedom. once i have been set free, i am free, free indeed. then i just got to thinking about how truly awesome that is...to be set free...its incredible. and its thanks to the love God has for us....which brings me to my final song. don't worry, its not a whole song, just one line that i think is so neat. its from a third day song called, "call my name." it is written as tho it is God speaking to us and this one line says:


"the love i have for you is so alive"


i LOVE that...the love that God has for me is so alive. which, just makes me feel free already.


so friends, i hope that you can be free..."let the chains, fall away, starting today"


love you all, be free

One year down!

well, it has been exactly one year since we moved!! this has been a whirlwind of a year and as i have said before, it has been the hardest year of my life, but, i wouldn't trade it for anything...ANYTHING! it has been an amazing year. 

in trying to figure out how to put this year into words, many songs come to mind (surprise, huh?! haha). So, i thought i would share a few with you. it won't be many, but, whatever. i thought it'd be fun. :)

the first is now one of my favorite songs and is one that i listen to often and it truly has been and is my prayer. it is a song by barlow girl and is called, here's my life. the whole song is great, but, i will just share the chorus:

God I'm crying out tonight

Cuz I've given you my life

But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind

So once more

Here's my life

I just absolutely love that! I have given my life to Christ, but, I have missed what is behind... yet still, all i want is for my life to be in HIS hands. I have learned a lot, but, one thing sticks out in my mind. and i will share that with you all in another song...:)

God is in control

We believe that His children will not be forsaken

God is in control

We will choose to remember and never be shaken

There is no power above or beside Him we know

God is in control

what a promise...and I have totally seen that promise illustrated to me so clearly this year! in everything, God's hand has been so evident. he is ALWAYS there and is SOOO faithful! I have learned also that HIS timing is so much better then mine and his plans are so much greater then anything i could even IMAGINE or dream up!! All i have to do is hand my life over to him and just trust! which, is definitely easier said then done...

ok, only 2 more songs to share! :) this one is not only having to do with the moving year, but, with life in general...

this is a natalie grant song and it is just awesome! its called make it matter...

Take my life

And lift me up to the sky

Take my dreams

And help me to fly

On the wings of possiblity

Come rewrite my history

Til its only You I'm chasing after

Take this life and make it matter

I love this song! most of these songs are centered around just giving my life over to him, DAILY! and letting him take the reigns. Which brings me to the final song. Another barlow girl (side note: if you haven't bought the new barlow girl cd (how can we be silent) then stop reading this and go buy it right now. its incredible!!) and its called, i don't regret. i am going to put all the lyrics up for this one because it is just a great song!! so, here it is...

They're telling me

They're concerned for the way I am living

That I'll miss it all

Why would I think that God is that trusting

I can't explain all the words He has spoken to my heart

Why I'd want Him more

I don't regret choosing You

And I'm not ashamed

That it's You who holds my heart

Why do we think

If we trust God to much He will fail us

Nothing has come

When I chose that in me I'd trust

Separate me

You have called out to follow you blindly

I won't fear Your leading me

And I don't regret choosing You

And I'm not ashamed that its You who holds my heart

You have shown my ever wandering heart what love is

What on earth is more important then to have all of You

And I don't regret choosing You

And i'm not ashamed that its You who holds my heart

So, that's all for now! hope to talk to all of you soon! LOVE!!

Sweet Revenge...

So, this week, has been crazy...and its only tuesday. :)


Yesterday was a long day. I had a lot to think about and work through. But, its ok. I got to talk to my best friend for a long time and that was wonderful! And today, is just another one of those days. I have just been thinking a lot lately...


The thing on my mind today was my relationship with a member of my family...my dad. Now, I won't share all the details, but, basically, I have been upset. Just at how certain things have been lately. And I have wanted so badly for him to feel what i have been feeling. To feel the hurt I have experienced, the pain in my life. I wanted some way to "get back at him", for lack of a better way of putting it. And then, I listened to this song by BarlowGirl. Here are the lyrics...


"Sweet Revenge"


Did you see that I was hurt?
Did you know that you had left me crying there?
Now I'm holding all you words close till you feel this pain too

But you live on so unaware
While I thought somehow this hate would heal me
But this hate is never ending and it's only killing me

Oh sweet revenge you've lied again

I find I can't get free till I release this vengeance that I seek
Forgive you the only thing
I want to live I'm ready to be free

Maybe you've been wounded too
Maybe all this is your self protection
All the hurts you thought were hidden
Are the one now hurting me

So who will make the pattern end?

I find I can't get free till I release this vengeance that I seek
Forgive you, the only thing
I want to live I'm ready to

Break these chains
Won't see this through
'Cause setting you free will mean my freedom too

I find I can't get free till I release this vengeance that I seek
Forgive you the only thing
I want to live I'm ready to be free


So, there you go. That song...good isn't it. And so, right now, I am saying that I will release the feelings of wanting to get back, or seek revenge. Its not worth it. I want to be free. That's really all...I just wanted to share that with you. Hope you are having a wonderful day...

Just writing...

Hey guys...





Been a loooong time! :) haha





So, I don't have anything specific to write about, I just wanted to get on, start writing, and see what happens...haha


When I think of where I was last year at this time, and look at where I am now...man alive, lots of change...





For starters I was in NY...that's the most obvious change...but, the most change has been not obvious...I've learned what is important in life, who is important in life. I have learned that life isn't about school, or whatever...its about relationships. Ok, ok, i know that sounds terribly corny, but, it really is true. Since the move, I haven't really cared about school (altho its great!), or learning to drive (which i'm doing this summer!) or anything else...i have cared about making friends...and keeping in touch with my friends back east.





I am loving meeting all these new people, and getting to know my "old" friends better. There are definitely people from NY that I thought i knew so well, and would keep in touch with forever...and there are people that i thought, "well, it was nice knowing them, maybe i'll see them again someday, but, whatever." Its so odd. But, great all at once. I love the fact that in moving, I have built friendships...moving is such an odd thing. something that no one can understand unless they've done it. It's a time of change...bad, hard change...and AMAZING change...


gosh, i can already tell this is just so scattered, and for that i am so sorry!! :)


I've changed so much just as a person...I've never had stronger faith. I've never trusted God so much before. I was talking to a friend the other nite...we were talking about how neat it is in times of change, or transition, to look back, and see the faithfulness of God. Realizing that he has ALWAYS been there, is never changing, and knows exactly what we need, when we need it! And boy oh boy has that been true for this move. I look back thru this year, and even thru my HS years...to see how much i have grown and changed, and to see who and where i am now...God has been so AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL!


Ok, time to go wayyy back! when i look at myself freshman year...i was going thru something weird. I tried so many different "acts" and tried on so many "masks". I tried the numb-to-life-nothing-bothers-me act. I tried the everything-bothers-me-get-me-out-of-here act. I tried the I-don't-need-anyone-i-can-do-life-by-myself act. And of course the I-don't-need-God act. Life was so hard for me then. There was SOOO much junk in my life that I just needed to deal with. So much pain that I needed to release. And that whole year, I would sob to friends about how much I hated my life. I always talked about all that I was dealing with, and how much I wanted to get away from it all...I talked to the whole world it felt like...but, inever brought it to the One who can actually bring about change. hmmm...


10th grade...started out better...my attitude was chaning. It was 10th grade that I went to "counceling" I learned to talk about my pain and hurt that had built up...well, practically my whole life. My life has never been the same. I learned how to use my story to help others. I just felt good. But, still, never brought it to my God.


when we moved, I had no one to talk to. So, I was "forced" to bring it to God. This song sort of illustrates how I felt...i'll just put in the chorus. It's called "Bring it to You" by AVALON:


"I bring it to You
There's wonder in all that You do
I bring you the scraps that make up my soul
You make me whole
I'm gold..."


That's exactly what I have done this year. I've run to Him carrying the scraps of me...I've just brought myself to him, drawn close and let him just heal me. Has it been hard, YES! has it been painful...YES!! would I trade this year for an easier one...NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!! This year has been one of the best years of my life! And in it, I've met lots of new, wonderful people, and I've gotten to know people better. I have a friend who I have known my whole life...just now, since moving, am finally realy getting to know him. Its been so much fun! That wouldn't have happened had I not moved. God works in amazing ways!!!


well, scattered, not very exciting, and quite long...I think i'm done. :) now that school is done, I will try and get on more often and share!! I miss this!! :) I hope you all are doing well!! love you guys!!! prayers-