Sweet Revenge...

So, this week, has been crazy...and its only tuesday. :)


Yesterday was a long day. I had a lot to think about and work through. But, its ok. I got to talk to my best friend for a long time and that was wonderful! And today, is just another one of those days. I have just been thinking a lot lately...


The thing on my mind today was my relationship with a member of my family...my dad. Now, I won't share all the details, but, basically, I have been upset. Just at how certain things have been lately. And I have wanted so badly for him to feel what i have been feeling. To feel the hurt I have experienced, the pain in my life. I wanted some way to "get back at him", for lack of a better way of putting it. And then, I listened to this song by BarlowGirl. Here are the lyrics...


"Sweet Revenge"


Did you see that I was hurt?
Did you know that you had left me crying there?
Now I'm holding all you words close till you feel this pain too

But you live on so unaware
While I thought somehow this hate would heal me
But this hate is never ending and it's only killing me

Oh sweet revenge you've lied again

I find I can't get free till I release this vengeance that I seek
Forgive you the only thing
I want to live I'm ready to be free

Maybe you've been wounded too
Maybe all this is your self protection
All the hurts you thought were hidden
Are the one now hurting me

So who will make the pattern end?

I find I can't get free till I release this vengeance that I seek
Forgive you, the only thing
I want to live I'm ready to

Break these chains
Won't see this through
'Cause setting you free will mean my freedom too

I find I can't get free till I release this vengeance that I seek
Forgive you the only thing
I want to live I'm ready to be free


So, there you go. That song...good isn't it. And so, right now, I am saying that I will release the feelings of wanting to get back, or seek revenge. Its not worth it. I want to be free. That's really all...I just wanted to share that with you. Hope you are having a wonderful day...

Just writing...

Hey guys...





Been a loooong time! :) haha





So, I don't have anything specific to write about, I just wanted to get on, start writing, and see what happens...haha


When I think of where I was last year at this time, and look at where I am now...man alive, lots of change...





For starters I was in NY...that's the most obvious change...but, the most change has been not obvious...I've learned what is important in life, who is important in life. I have learned that life isn't about school, or whatever...its about relationships. Ok, ok, i know that sounds terribly corny, but, it really is true. Since the move, I haven't really cared about school (altho its great!), or learning to drive (which i'm doing this summer!) or anything else...i have cared about making friends...and keeping in touch with my friends back east.





I am loving meeting all these new people, and getting to know my "old" friends better. There are definitely people from NY that I thought i knew so well, and would keep in touch with forever...and there are people that i thought, "well, it was nice knowing them, maybe i'll see them again someday, but, whatever." Its so odd. But, great all at once. I love the fact that in moving, I have built friendships...moving is such an odd thing. something that no one can understand unless they've done it. It's a time of change...bad, hard change...and AMAZING change...


gosh, i can already tell this is just so scattered, and for that i am so sorry!! :)


I've changed so much just as a person...I've never had stronger faith. I've never trusted God so much before. I was talking to a friend the other nite...we were talking about how neat it is in times of change, or transition, to look back, and see the faithfulness of God. Realizing that he has ALWAYS been there, is never changing, and knows exactly what we need, when we need it! And boy oh boy has that been true for this move. I look back thru this year, and even thru my HS years...to see how much i have grown and changed, and to see who and where i am now...God has been so AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL!


Ok, time to go wayyy back! when i look at myself freshman year...i was going thru something weird. I tried so many different "acts" and tried on so many "masks". I tried the numb-to-life-nothing-bothers-me act. I tried the everything-bothers-me-get-me-out-of-here act. I tried the I-don't-need-anyone-i-can-do-life-by-myself act. And of course the I-don't-need-God act. Life was so hard for me then. There was SOOO much junk in my life that I just needed to deal with. So much pain that I needed to release. And that whole year, I would sob to friends about how much I hated my life. I always talked about all that I was dealing with, and how much I wanted to get away from it all...I talked to the whole world it felt like...but, inever brought it to the One who can actually bring about change. hmmm...


10th grade...started out better...my attitude was chaning. It was 10th grade that I went to "counceling" I learned to talk about my pain and hurt that had built up...well, practically my whole life. My life has never been the same. I learned how to use my story to help others. I just felt good. But, still, never brought it to my God.


when we moved, I had no one to talk to. So, I was "forced" to bring it to God. This song sort of illustrates how I felt...i'll just put in the chorus. It's called "Bring it to You" by AVALON:


"I bring it to You
There's wonder in all that You do
I bring you the scraps that make up my soul
You make me whole
I'm gold..."


That's exactly what I have done this year. I've run to Him carrying the scraps of me...I've just brought myself to him, drawn close and let him just heal me. Has it been hard, YES! has it been painful...YES!! would I trade this year for an easier one...NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!! This year has been one of the best years of my life! And in it, I've met lots of new, wonderful people, and I've gotten to know people better. I have a friend who I have known my whole life...just now, since moving, am finally realy getting to know him. Its been so much fun! That wouldn't have happened had I not moved. God works in amazing ways!!!


well, scattered, not very exciting, and quite long...I think i'm done. :) now that school is done, I will try and get on more often and share!! I miss this!! :) I hope you all are doing well!! love you guys!!! prayers-

just thinkin...

Hey guys!


My it has been a while since i last wrote!


Well, things out here are ok. I am just tired...in every sense of the word. Tired of feeling lonely, tired of awkward times with people i don't know very well, tired due to lack of relaxing time, tired of just dealing with things i don't want to deal with anymore, tired of living phone call to phone call, email to email from friends. When will this place feel like home? who know's.


While things sometimes seem yucky, God seems to give me something each week to make me smile. This week, it was the opportunity to get to know one of our youth group leaders a bit better. She is an awesome girl and has been so kind to me since moving. I can only hope that the relationship will grow into a great friendship!


Also, at the beginning of the week (sunday) I was feeling really good!! Church was awesome, youth group praise and worship was amazing and I was feeling really close to God. That was an awesome feeling. God has just been so good to me in this whole time of transition.


Funny, I was reading Beth Moore's blog and she was talking about how important it is that we give God the glory for all that he doesn in our lives. It made me wonder if I have been giving him the glory for what he has done just this week? Or this month? or year? Maybe if I start doing that, I will notice all he has done so much more!? he has done so much!!


This was a shorter blog tonite...like I said, I'm tired.


I hope you all are doing well! love you guys!!

Just HAVE to share something kind of funny!!!

This will be short...promise.


Anyways, I have to write a research paper for my english class...an argument paper. I am writing mine on the importance of sleep and the effect lack of sleep has on teens. Really interesting, by the way.


Here's the funny part. Tonite, at 12AM, I began writing it. And now, at 12:41 I am gonna stop. But, I just thought it was funny that I was writing my paper on the importance of sleep at midnite.


Just wanted to share that...GOOD NITE!!

Been so long!!!

Boy oh boy it has been a long time since I wrote last...





Well, school is well under way, we finish with our 1st trimester in a week, so, i am officially 1/3 done with junior year! YAY! And with that, I have begun my college search. Not too much, but, I just don't want to put it off and be stressed out later.





Anyways, things here in MI have gotten easier...still not a huge fan, but, I am learning to like it. I have gotten invloved with Young Life and Campaigners out here and met a few people. While I try to keep an open mind, not too many people could ever measure up to the incredible friends I have back in NY. But, like, I said, I am trying to keep an open mind.





This move has been a real stretching time for me. I have been streched socially, metnally, emotionally and spiritually. And if growing in my faith and love of Jesus was the only reason I moved, then I am thankful for the move. But, more and more, I am seeing why God brought us here. Plainly put, our work in NY was done. and, while I didnt want it to be done, it was and let me tell you, GOd's timing is better than my own. And it was time for us to move on to a new mission feild.





Besides learning that God's timing is the best, I have also learned so much about his faithfulness. Even those days where I didn't think I could make it thru the nite, God was there. ANd sometimes, when I thought a friend would never come my way...someone would shoot me a smile in the hall or at Cubbies, of all places.


Most of you know that i am practically addicted to little kids. i just love them. So, when we moved here, I immediately wanted to get involved with AWANA helping with Cubbies (3-4 yr olds) and one nite, I just didn't really feel like going. I was tired, and honestly, just wanted to sit around the house and wallow in self pity. BUT, I went. And that nite, I met a girl who is the same age as me, she was also helping out and we just clicked. I felt like maybe, just maybe, she could be a friend. And you know what, she is. In fact, we are going to a superchick concert on friday nite. GOD IS SO AWESOME!!!


And, faithfulness and timing are not the only things I have learned. I have learned the true meaning of this verse:


"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart..."


Let me just say, that this was not easy for me to learn. IT WAS HARD!!! I think for so long back home in NY, I leaned on my friends, my chaplains, my youth leaders to fix my problems. I talked to them about everything, and relyed on them to fix things. And you know what, while it usually made me feel better for a little while, and while it helped to talk it thru with people, I never ever learned to give things to God and to trust him with anything.


So, we moved, and I had so much on my heart. Worries, frustrations, concerns, praises and you know what, I didn't have anyone to talk to. EXCEPT GOD!! And as a result, I learned what it means to trust him. THAT ALONE HAS FREED ME. It freed me. By giving everything over to God, I was able to keep pressing forward, and be free from all the "issues" that were weighing me down. And as a result, I was able to rest. The last blog was about needing that rest. By trusting the Lord with all my heart, I found rest. He has been my everything this move.


Again, most of you know that my favorite singer ever is Bethany Dillon. Check out these lyrics:


When the day is done
And there's no one else around
While I'm lying here in bed
You're in my heart, You're in my head
You're all I need, You're all I need

There are a million voices
Calling out my name
But You're the One I want to hear
So make the others disappear
You're all I need, You're all I need

You are all I need when I'm surrounded
You are all I need if I'm by myself
You fill me when I'm empty
There is nothing else
You're all I need

When the morning comes
And Your mercy is renewed
There's a fire in my bones
I'm not afraid to go alone
You're all I need You're all I need

The sun on my face
I hear You whisper loud
You're still the God that opens seas
Every flower, even me
You're all I need You're all I need

I'm drawn to everything that You do
Nothing compares with You


OF course, I can always share how I feel with someone elses song, but, these words that she wrote are true and I finally understand. This time of transition, I haven't had anyone. He truly has been all I need.


Well, this has gotten long, and as usual, probably quite scattered. But, it feels good to be writing on here again. I haven't felt like writing in a while. Just not sure how to put all this stuff into words, but, I thought I'd give it a shot tonite.


Thanks guys for all the prayers...i love you guys!!!