what do i do?

oh man...i have done SO much thinking these past few days. so much thinking that my brain may actually explode. but, probably not, but then again, maybe. *grin*


anyways as i prepare to head of to college in just a few short months i have really been thinking about what i want to do with my life. for years i have known exactly what i wanted to do. i would teach elementary special ed. one day open my own school and teach. i've always had a heart for the "underdog" and love helping others, and i adore kids! it just made sense, i would teach special ed. done. set. ready to go. but, lately, God has really been tugging at my heart and putting a few other ideas into my head.


as i work with small children at church, and at school, i am realizing that maybe working with little little kids just isn't the right place for me. don't get me wrong, i LOVE my AWANA cubbies, and my kindergarten small group...i love them to death. but, more and more things have been frustrating, as opposed to enjoyable and i find myself wishing i was working with older kids. even getting to know and talk to High Schoolers...people my own age! i want to be there for people, be a listener, and when the time calls for it, an advice giver and helper.


my frustration with the little kids has been that i feel like i can't get to know them. their little minds are all over the place, flitting from one thing to the next. it is hard to really talk to them and get to know them and their little, developing personality.


I have really found myself sort of wondering about youth ministry for HS or middle school...something with older kids. a place where i can just be crazy, have fun, and still teach in some capacity, but, have the relational aspect that you can get with older kids.


yet, even another part of me feels a tug towards missions, both international and domestic. I see so many needs all over the place and here of so many places of brokenness and i want to help. i want to go wherever and do whatever whenever. I just don't know!!!!!!!


but, here's my struggle. i want to know beyond all doubt that this is what God wants me to do. More than anything i want to please Him and do what it is He has made me to do. I know that He has created me for a purpose, and I am who I am because of the job that He has for me.


sometimes i wonder, how do I know what God wants for me? How do I know that what i am doing or planning on doing is really what God has planned for me? How do I keep straight what is from God and what are my own thoughts, emotions, or desires? hmm...any thoughts?


my youth leader said once, "God is preparing you for what He is preparing for you" while it takes my brain a few minutes to really grasp what that is saying, i think it is so true. and now, i just wish knew what God was preparing for me. But, i know that i will know when i need to know!


well, that's about it...just needed to let all of this out of my brain. i love blogging! :)


hope you all are doing well!!!

Grease is the Word!

HEY HEY HEY!!


Well, last weekend I had the time of my life! I had the privelage of being a part of "Grease!"


When I first heard about this, I was not even going to audition. Plays just aren't my thing. I don't really like to be in the spotlight, I just feel awkward. But, many of my friends encouraged me to at least try out. So i did.


Well, as luck woud have it, I got a part. I was cast as the old, grouchy teacher, Miss Lynch. It was a part I knew I could handle. No singing solos, only 14 lines, and I could still be in the chorus songs, which made me happy! I still was a bit unsure about the whole thing, but, I thought...what the heck. One play won't kill me.


Goodness guys, I am beyond thankful that i did the play! i had a BLAST and made so many new friends and got to know so many people better! All the rehearsing, and memorizing, and dancing, and singing, and set building, and set painting...it was ALL worth it!



We did 4 shows and just had a ball! Gosh, just sitting here thinking about it just makes me smile and want to get up and dance to "We Go Together!"


So, note to self: Never be afraid to try something new. Always give things a fair shot, you just never know how it will turn out.

Every Season...

Lately, I have been listening to Nichole Nordman. I love her music. If you haven't listened to it, you seriously have not lived. Tonite, I have had the song, "Every Season" on repeat. Let me share with you the lyrics...


Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring


I have bolded and enlarged certain words and lines for certain reasons. It is what I am experiencing right now, in this season of my own life. So much has changed in the past 2 years. Well, really in the past 4. When I think of who i was just a few years ago...it's like night and day. In a good way. God has and continues to "recreate" me throughout every season. And I am AMAZED at the work he is doing. Right now, it is winter. and it is cold, and frozen, and bitter cold, and gray, and freezing cold. Things are dead and lifeless. And when winter is here (it seems like winter hangs around forever) i begin to feel dead and lifeless and gray and frozen and bitter and cold. But I love in this song when it says, "Even now in death, you open doors for life to enter, You are winter." I have seen and experienced that so much lately. Even when things seem so dark and dull, he has caused life to erupt from inside of me. I have incredible friendships which keep me alive, I have an awesome church that keeps me alive, a family that keeps me alive and a God who continually breathes new life into me very being. And I am so very thankful. I am so thankful that no matter what season I may be in, God is at work. Just because I tend to shut down during the winter doesn't mean God does. What an awesome God we serve!! I pray that this life bubbles over and is evident to the people I come in contact with. That I may be a light to those around me.

"A city on a hill cannot be hidden...in the same way, let your light shine bright before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven" Matthew 5:14-16.


May my light shine even in this dark gray winter. And while this winter may seem long, both physically outside, and spiritually, I can have such great hope because I know that spring is coming. New life will be made and "what is frozen through, is newly purposed." I am very thankful for a God who works during every season. Aren't you?

First Impressions

So, this weekend, and these past few weeks I have spent a lot of time with my friends. The friends I have made out here, to be exact. I am in our school play and all the rehearsals "force" me to spend time with these amazing people all day, every day! I absolutely LOVE my friends here and they are the reason I am so thankful that we moved.


But I wasn't always too sure I would like these people. See, when we moved and I started going to a new school, I had stereotyped people and made myself believe certain things. I thought that ALL the people out here were standoff-ish, rude, stuck up, overly dramatic, boy crazy etc. etc. etc.


By thinking those things, I missed out on a whole year of friend making. As a result, last year was terrible. I was virtually friendless, and moped around all day everyday.


Even at the beginning of this year, I was convinced I had these people figured out.


I am thankful to say that I have been very wrong. My first impressions of these people I now call my friends were completely inaccurate and I love it. I love being wrong! *grin*


Instead, the friends I have have HUGE hearts for others, are SOLID Christians and Christ-seekers and followers, they are friendly, loving, great listeners, funny and just all around fun to be with. I am beyond thankful.


THis is one time where I couldn't be happier to be wrong. The friends I have made here are some of the greatest people i have ever met. I only wish I would've discovered this a year ago. But, I am learning.


I think this year, I was determined to not have a crappy year. And I made the choice to get to know people. But more importantly, I let people get to know me. It is often hard for me to open up to others and let others in. But I knew that if I didn't, I wouldn't build relationships. ANd I need people. What a blessing my friends are. Both here and at WP. They are all amazing-irreplaceable.


I have learned not to go buy stereotypes, or first impressions. They may be very wrong. I am sorry that I let those impressions get the best of me. But thankful that I was given this year to try again. God truly is the God of second chances.


I guess the old saying holds true, never judge a book (or person) by the cover!

I got my cheer back!

Well, I know last time you heard from me I was not feeling very cheery...well, I am happy to report that my Christmas cheer did appear and I had a WONDERFUL holiday! I hope you all did too!


I got some wonderful gifts and I had a blast giving my sisters their presents. It has been wonderful to just relax and watch some movies, eat lots of sweets and listen to some new music. Everything I love. Food, music, movies...this is the LIFE! :)


We (my family and I) are preparting for a family vacation! We leave on monday for a short trip to visit some relatives. I am very excited for the time away and the chance to see some cousins again! What fun!


Well, this is a much shorter post, but, I just wanted to make sure you knew that I had a wonderful Christmas full of CHEER and SPIRIT! :)


Happy almost New Year to you all!! Much love-